? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
