just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
