I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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