my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize