It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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