i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
