Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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