Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize