YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
