So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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