I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
