so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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