i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Drunk is not a location!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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