She said her name was "party"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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