i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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