wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
