Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
