I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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