And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
