I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Randomize