i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
