I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
