if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
