Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
