I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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