i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
