Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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