Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
