At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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