My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
