I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
