We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
