Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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