how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
