Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize