Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
