Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
