so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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