I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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