I met the friendliest cop last night
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
