Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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