So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
