worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
