Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
