I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
