here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
