cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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