Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
