then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
