Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
