he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
no you cant smoke seaweed
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
