if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
