He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
