I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
