I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize