yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Boobs speak an international language.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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