I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
