It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
oh god the rape fog is back!
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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