I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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