i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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