I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
