I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
